The Blood, Sex and Booze: A boy called Kill - Wake up.

We talked and practised. I acted as normal as I possibly could with Tre so close. Mike regularly reminded me to take my pills and when food was being passed around he watched me eat it. I hated that more than anything. I don’t have an eating disorder, no way, I just wasn’t hungry and felt it hard to eat. Food repulsed me.

No matter how far away from Tre I was and no matter how close the others were, he still managed to get me on my own. I had escaped to the bathroom for no longer than five minutes and when I came back Tre was the only one in the wreck room. I stiffened and hovered in the doorway.
“W-where are they?” I stammered.

On that note he rose from his position and sauntered towards me, his eyes half closed and a smirk on his face. I couldn’t move, my legs refused. His face was inches from mine and I could smell the beer on his breath.

“Gone. Went for a drink. I told them I would wait for you and bring you with me.”

“W-why?” Like I needed to ask.

“I haven’t had your sweet ass in so long. Where have you been hiding?” He took hold of my shirt collar and tucked me closer, “You better not have squealed.”

I shook my head violently. He forced his lips to mine and kissed me roughly.His hands went to pin my arms to the wall and his body pressed against mine.

***

I couldn’t stop myself from biting at the skin around my nails. Tears were already forming in my eyes.

“Mr Armstrong?”

I glanced up at Autumn quickly before dropping my gaze and pulling my beanie over my eyes.

“What did he do to you?”

“I-I can’t talk about it.”

“Please.”

My heart was pounding my chest as I remembered the incident that followed; so vivid I could still hear the cracking of my ribs. I squeezed my eyes shut, pulled my knees to my chest and placed my forehead against them.

“Bi-“

“He hurt me.” I murmured.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“I do. I need to tell you. I have to get this out!” I clenched my teeth together and dug my nails into my ankles, “I can’t live like this anymore.”

“He raped me so badly I bled. He broke four of my ribs and….and he just kept hitting me. When the guys came back he told them I had attacked him and he was only fighting back.”


“How did he get away with it? Weren’t you the one with physical evidence.”

“He had scratches from when I had tried to fend him off. All the other injuries he injured, he gave himself.”

“He hurt himself to make you seem like the bad guy?”

I nodded before the flood gates opened. I bawled into the fabric of my bed pants and began to pound my head against my knees. Autumn was next to me in a matter of moments trying to stop me.

I gave in and, when she wrapped her arms around me, collapsed against her breast. I was trembling, my quick sobs stung the back of my throat and I was beginning to feel exhausted.

“I-I’m so sorry.” I whispered.

“No. No it’s alright. But you’re not telling me everything.”

“I can’t. I can’t begin to describe the pain I was in, the looks I got from the crew; From Mike. They wanted to charge me with something but Tre wouldn’t let them. They just threw me into the hospital instead.”

“We can leave the hospital for tomorrow’s session.” She cooed softly into my ear, “A lot happened after that and I don’t want to over load you.”

Kindly, she passed me a tissue. When I tried to get to my feet she caught me as I stumbled. The combination of crying, exhaustion and starvation had finally caught up with me and I felt weaker than a new born kitten. She called for a nurse who quickly brought me a wheelchair.

Degrading. That’s what it was. I felt so useless and, for the first time, I felt like I belonged here.

***

From the moment I lay down on my bed I wanted to die. Then and there I would have begged the Lord to give me peace. I could feel my heart beating but nothing else. The pain in my skull was dull, my aching limbs were nothing more than pricks; I was dead inside.

I thought admitting what you felt, what you remember, would help you feel better. Why did I feel so bad?

Why did every breath feel like punishment?

I can only remember one other time that I have ever felt worse than this ; It landed me in here head first.